Why I am leaving the Apple Feudal State

I might have forgiven the shitstorm that was Apple’s Tahoe macOS release. I never upgraded my laptop from Sequoia after seeing the accessibility disaster that was Liquid Glass. I was able to survive iOS 26 by enabling ‘Reduce Motion’ and ‘Increase Contrast’ in the system settings. I searched for something to change the offensive design so I could use my phone normally without distraction.

These modes emphatically help my brain, and I can’t really explain why. It’s like seeing the difference between a human interface design that feels off and one that feels right. But it shouldn’t have been necessary if Apple hadn’t lost their goddamn minds. Their software is starting to decay at every level.

After seeing more of the same from Golden Gate iOS / macOS 26, I’m not going to forgive and I am not upgrading my existing devices anymore. I’m staying on Sequoia. This isn’t something I would ever do under normal circumstances. My desktop is Debian Testing / Forky. My NAS and Raspberry Pi are Debian stable. I do not run outdated software for security reasons. It’s too easy to get stuck and fall behind. I have learned this after years of managing fleets of virtual machines in the clouds. Do not get behind, unless you want to raise your risk of having unpatched security vulnerabilities.

This summer I left iOS for GrapheneOS. It wasn’t just the fact that iOS hasn’t changed much in a decade. It was that I was tired of being locked into Apple’s walled garden. I built a personal todo app, just like many software engineers do. It accommodates my own personal behaviors better than others and is based on the Eisenhower framework. Do you know how fucking annoying it was to be forced to use Xcode? What a heaping pile of shit that software is. I haven’t wanted to leave software by an honorable seppuku that badly since nearly thirty years ago when I was given a computer with Windows ME. Yes. Xcode is worse than Windows ME. Don’t even get me started.

I wrote the personal todo application in Flutter so that I could deploy the app to Linux, macOS, Android and iOS. I spent most of the time developing the software outside of Xcode in Gram and Goland, and even still that was too much Xcode. What kind of tech company neglects its IDE to the point that it rots from within?

On top of that Apple also wanted to charge me a $100 annual fee just so I could deploy my own software to my own phone. The actual fuck? No. I left for alternatives that respect my user choices and technical abilities where they are. I’m not renting a device I already own from the greedy duopolist.

It’s a shame because Apple continues to produce world class hardware; however, bugs, poor product leadership, questionable design, and vendor lock-in at the extreme are actively hampering the software and harming their users. I am out.

Educational Tubers

I like long reads and deep dive educational videos. I wanted to list the youtubers that provide value in my life. I’ve never been a short video person, it hurts my brain. I use uBlock Origin to ban the shorts section of YouTube when they push it on me, buh bye. Here are some amazing long content educational YouTubers out there that I think are worth your time.

Climate

PBS TerraShoutout to Maiya and her ‘Weathered’ series for covering the climate crisis. She discusses how it impacts local communities all over the world.

Space

Paul FellowsPaul is a professor at Cambridge and has easily accessible videos about objects in the solar system with his “Once Around” series. I highly recommend him, especially for newbies to astronomy.
PBS Space TimeMatt Dowd leads the PBS Space Time channel. If you want to go deeper on the advancements in astrophysics, physics, and quantum mechanics, he is your guy.
Dr. BeckyDr. Becky is an astrophysicist at Oxford. She talks about the current Hubble Tension a.k.a. the ‘Crisis in Cosmology’ and is a leading researcher on supermassive black holes.
SEAI don’t know much about the person or team behind this channel, but I can tell you the production quality is spectacular.

Aerospace & Aviation

Scott ManleyScott possesses a deep knowledge of space and aerospace and started his channel mostly talking about KSP 1.0. I have watched his channel the longest of these recommendations, and always come back to Scott for his informative takes.
MentorPilotPetter discusses thoroughly fascinating air disasters, which are sometimes morbid and sad. He leads a team of many individuals including Kyra at Admiral Cloudberg, also known for her long reads in aviation. If you are into aircraft, risk, and systems analysis, this is for you.

Engineering

CSI StarbaseZack’s informative and impressively deep talks have taught me so much about mechanical systems. This may be the most advanced stream on this list, which is saying something in this company. 1
Practical EngineeringBrady posts once a month, often about dams and other water ecosystems. His knowledge of construction and engineering is substantial, and he breaks concepts down so that anyone can understand.
Real EngineeringBrian has many educational videos about space, aerospace, and other ongoing projects. This could be in the prior section, but Real Engineering has other engineering videos as well.

  1. This is not an endorsement of the SpaceX CEO. I do not approve of his behavior or character. I respect Zack’s channel focused on engineering, but know this one isn’t for all readers. ↩︎

Remembrance Over 25 Years

On the morning of September 11th, 2001, I was a senior in high school sitting in my English Literature class. My friend Ashley came in to sit in front of me. She stated, “Two planes have hit the World Trade Center.” I responded, “Oh, that wasn’t planned.” I thought to myself, “Why would two small Cessna-like planes crash near the WTC?” We continued on with our class. I’m not sure anyone else knew yet, and I don’t remember all these years later how she knew already.

Our English class period ended, and I walked down the stairs to proceed to the next hallway. After walking up the next set of stairs, I saw my history teacher (we’ll call him H). H was probably the largest person I knew, blessed with the wit, strength, height, and mass to keep in check any little shit high schoolers causing a ruckus. He was a gentle giant who rarely gave the “knock it off” look, but when he did, you knew he was serious.

He was standing in the hallway. His eyes held back tears, his body language shouting pain. I could tell he was very upset, and I thought of what Ashley said to me. “Oh no.” My body knew something was wrong before my head did.

Not long later our school principal came over the intercom with a message to all the faculty and students. She informed us that the Twin Towers had collapsed in NYC, and that after school programs had been canceled for the day. I appreciate today that she didn’t leave us in the dark to find out another way. I’m not sure many other high schools in the nation treated their students the same way, perhaps out of shock, perhaps still treating high schoolers as children.

I went to lunch in a small cafeteria outside of the normal student cafeteria. My friends worked for the school television station and there was a TV in the cafeteria playing CNN. This was my first exposure to the horrific images, short looping planes flying into the buildings, and clouds of asbestos death descending on Manhattan.

My friends and I discussed at lunch what would happen next, barely eating. The trouble was that the ’90s we knew were a transition decade. Those years were after the USSR and Cold War, but still before anything else. All of our discussions were still stuck in that old world. We were educated in that old world, only able to conceive of its dynamics, foreign policy, coalitions, and economics. It really didn’t matter what we discussed, predicted, or conceptualized in response to such a shock. We were wrong, and I think we were just trying to cope. For the first time in our lives we were old enough to understand and feel heart-stopping fear.

I remember crying later that day with my family at home. We watched the WTC-7 building collapse on TV in the early evening. There were many hugs as we comforted and consoled one another. Later that night I was in my room reading or listening to music. A military fighter jet flew over the house. The unmistakable sound of a high-performance jet engine rattled the windows and furniture in my room.

On September 11th, 2002, I was a freshman in engineering school. Many of my new friends were from the tri-state area. I listened to their stories about their parents, many of whom worked in Manhattan. One of my friends could see the towers collapse as she watched from her schoolyard in Queens. Thankfully none of their parents died in the attacks, but practically everyone of them had a friend from their hometowns who did.

On September 11th, 2007, my friend Carol (not her real name) told me her story that day. Carol was working near the WTC at the time. She arrived off the subway just as the second plane hit the South Tower. She walked up the subway stairs only to see people running and screaming in a full-blown panic. She had no idea what was going on and froze for a moment, only for something to tell her to get back on the train. She went underground and got on a northbound train to head back to her apartment.

After sitting down on the train and taking a moment to breathe, the woman sitting next to her asked, “Ma’am, are you okay?” Carol looked up to see a beautiful young woman with an expression of concern on her face. “Oh, I’m okay, thank you.” “Are you sure? Would you like anything?” Carol, still in shock from the scene, couldn’t help but feel that she needed this person in this moment, and the woman responded with grace and care in, of all places, the NYC subway. They continued to chat a little bit, but Carol got off the train to return to her apartment. As Carol was walking up the stairs to her apartment, she realized she knew the kind woman on the train and her name was Monica Lewinsky. By the time she had gathered herself later that morning and turned on the TV, both towers had already collapsed.

I have heard and read countless accounts of the mass trauma surrounding these life-changing attacks. Years later, I still stop to give my full attention to anyone telling their story of that day. I’d like to think that’s not all that uncommon for myself to listen to said stories, but I probably don’t listen to other stories with the same intensity. It is notable that once a year, everyone does stop and fully listen to one another. It doesn’t matter where you were, or who you were with. Your story on that day matters. Maybe if we listened to each other as we always do on the anniversary, we wouldn’t have such disconnects in our society.

Valencia

The cafe con leche satisfies a daily craving as I sit in the warm shade across the city square. Wanderers, tourists, and locals buzz about on their midday journeys.

A celestial alignment of sol and luna, followed by art museums, galleries, street performances, paella and croquettas, and finally nuptial celebrations of close friends are all worthy experiences, but together they are unforgettable. Many little moments are strung by a power that leads rejuvenation and healing.

The heart is overflowing with love and joy after this long-needed fulfilling vacation. The events of this adventure have reconnected me to the highs and lows of a spirited emotionally ranging life, and reinformed my relationship with inner peace. The heart is glowing an aurora green and vibrating middle C tones.

An older woman notices my blissful energy, and smiles at me as she walks past with her grandson. I am reminded of the knowledge that real love is endless and eternal.

Honoring Dolly

There are some ideas floating around the internet about how best to honor the late Dolly Parton. Dolly believed all children should have access to quality reading materials to help them learn. She acted on this belief, and her results are a wild success. Because of her work, millions of children are able to read and have access to books at a key stage of their lives.

Congress should fund the Imagination Library for all children in America to honor Dolly Parton.

Dolly was an incredible musician who used her success to live as a humanitarian. This is how she would want to be honored and remembered.

Albums on my Phone

I am seeing some music sharing posts around the small web, and I decided to throw in. You may find something you like or haven’t heard before.

RAYE - This Music May Contain Hope
RAYE - This Music May Contain Hope
Sienna Spiro - Visitor
Sienna Spiro - Visitor
Jon Hopkins - Music for Psychedelic Therapy
Jon Hopkins - Music for Psychedelic Therapy
Brian Eno - Apollo
Brian Eno - Apollo
The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
Parcels - Day / Night
Parcels - Day / Night
Thomas Bangalter - Mythologies
Thomas Bangalter - Mythologies
HUNTR/X and Saja Boys - Kpop Demon Hunters
HUNTR/X and Saja Boys - Kpop Demon Hunters
Tchaikovsky - Sleeping Beauty
Tchaikovsky - Sleeping Beauty
DRAMA - Gallows
DRAMA - Gallows
Love - Reel to Real
Love - Reel to Real
Daft Punk - Random Access Memories
Daft Punk - Random Access Memories
Robyn - Body Talk
Robyn - Body Talk
The Field - From Here We Go Sublime
The Field - From Here We Go Sublime
Hans Zimmer - Interstellar
Hans Zimmer - Interstellar

RE: Everything is About to 'Go Dark'

Thank you, Matthew, for sharing your thoughts on this matter. Indeed, it is a very interesting time keeping up with the latest LLMs from a security perspective. I do not share the same beliefs and I want to take a moment to evaluate.

As a programmer, I have observed that product teams are incentivized to deploy new features or change product scope. They care about the user objective in our sprint and cadence being deployed, and how quickly it can be shipped. The product organization of a business rarely faces repercussions if the product leaks customer data or has vulnerabilities. This is seen as a technical problem and table stakes for an engineering organization. Yet when engineers advocate for more time to fix bugs, review vulnerabilities, and update penetration tests, there is always pushback.

Security comes from the CTO, CISO, or Risk functions of organizations. Without effective standards, policies, and procedures in place, this process is left to engineering managers to sort out the best they can. EMs do not get promoted for secure apps, and they don’t get demoted or fired for insecure apps or even worse, active compromises. On top of this, detecting active compromises is sufficiently challenging. Many companies do not have effective monitoring in place to analyze just how a vulnerability leads to compromise.

The reason these LLMs will not fix all the security vulnerabilities in these applications is because the LLMs were trained on human written code and behaviors. LLMs will fail for the exact same reasons that humans fail to secure their code at scale. They are sycophantic and context-aware. It does not take long for security to fall out of the context window as AI-driven engineers set scopes and goals for the next iterations of code. They will prioritize shipping the new feature over security.

Let’s say for argument’s sake you have an engineer who does prioritize security review as part of their pipeline. They have a fully secure automated build pipeline using SAST, integration testing, regression testing, library and dependency scans, and finally sign off from a CISO. The CISO has instituted an agent as part of the security review that prioritizes looking at the architecture for vulnerabilities. The whole chain is still just one effective phishing campaign away from a peer on the marketing team clicking the wrong email.

We also cannot ignore the incredible rate at which codebases are growing in 2026 due to LLM use. It would not surprise me if the amount of application source code in existence increases tenfold in the next 18 to 24 months. Unsupervised agents compound the challenge and now there are vast amounts of code to secure which may not even be reviewed by humans.

Believe me, I wish for a time on the web where the security posture of the collective space is much more secure than it is today. I desire this because the people of the world deserve private and secure communications. I try to avoid companies unable to secure my data like the plague, but even with my understanding of deploying secure applications, I’m not much better than the average person at doing so.

The reason the world will not “Go Dark” is because the environment in which we deploy applications does not reward anyone outside of red teams for doing so securely. The world will not be going dark because we have not “solved” secure computing. We only mitigate it as much as is affordable in budget and resource time, whether managed by humans or models.

Why I Use NoScript

I wish I didn’t have to use NoScript. For those unacquainted, NoScript is a browser plugin which I use with Firefox that allows me to control the running JavaScript on a website. After years of finding questionable JavaScript all over the wider internet, I check every new website for domains and JS code they import. I first scan the domains that the page is requesting to load JavaScript. Many sites do not function at all and show a blank page until I enable a couple of their core domains. A domain that has not been seen before in the NoScript database is untrusted by default.

Example NoScipt View

It supports 4 primary options and a default by clicking the icons to the left of the listed domain.

  • Default - Do not allow the JavaScript to load and run on the page
  • Temp Trusted - Allow the JavaScript to load and run for a short time
  • Trusted - Allow the JavaScript to load and run on the page permanently, and update the NoScript database
  • Untrusted - Do not allow the JavaScript to load and run on the page permanently, and update the NoScript database
  • Custom - Edit specific permissions of the DOM objects

Why Block JavaScript?

Many sites load pages from companies and domains I do not wish to support. I run a pi-hole blocking many of these domains on my network, but NoScript allows precision when I am seeking temporary functionality that I need. Often I need to enable temporary domains to make purchases. This is pretty annoying for a common user, but for someone with deep desire not to be tracked across the web, it actually helps me track trust. I don’t trust many large companies because I think they are poor stewards of the web. There are small number of large companies I would even go as far to say are evil.

The NoScript menu UI cleanly shows how many of these “partners” each website contains on load. If I see a website that loads 27 different domains, I often just close the website and find another alternative. A website with 5-10 domains feels somewhat reasonable as of this writing, but over that count I think the sites just start to rot. How are developers of the site able to keep an effective track of all those applications working well together? I don’t believe anyone is, and the site which started has likely lost their mission in focus of whatever recent metrics they are trying to optimize. Inherently there is nothing wrong with adding more dependencies to a website so long as performance is managed. But in practice outside of CDNs and payment resources, the vast majority of sites host spyware ment to steal as much information about the user as possible. I reject this model of the internet whole heartedly.

NoScript does not guarantee I will not be tracked across the web, but I don’t wish to make it easy for anyone as a default. I don’t really mind click tracking, so long as my identity is not bound to it. And there in lies the problem, these tracking companies monetize clicks to sell my identity and behavior profiles.

I do wish NoScript had default option to trust any JavaScript from the root domain of the site, but I don’t think it does. I generally prefer sites that function just fine with HTML and CSS. There are just too many sites that do not support <noscript> and need JS to function. The expectation unfortunately is a lost cause. It is probably time for me to get off my ass and submit a PR to the wonderful people who built this amazing extension.

Have Something to Say

I had a lot to say in my twenties. I was what you’d call a smart-ass. The problem was that I was quite good at arguing against my own position. I didn’t like writing that way. It felt unclean. I think part of this was a rooted fear of being wrong.

Well, it is years later and while I was told back then “don’t believe everything you read on the internet,” that was before malicious bots and bad actors filled the web with pseudoscience and false claims as an explicit attack on democratic customs. There is much wrong on the internet today. We still struggle to tell the difference between an individual’s comment and a weaponized machine feeding itself.

Today, saying something is a necessary countercurrent to these unscrupulous people in control of aforementioned bots. By being objective, constructive, and thorough in our analysis of facts, we find truth and remain grounded in what is real. A truth informed by rigor supports our calling to return the power to the people and not to those who wish to manipulate us into division and even decline.

So slow down and have something to say. It’s okay to be wrong, so long as we change our minds when presented with evidence. Sharing with one another isn’t about perfection or winning arguments. It’s about a shared pursuit of knowledge that benefits all. It’s about expressing our connection in a way we all can appreciate on a common level that improves our lives together.

Return to the Small Web

I’ve started reading Bubbles.town in the past weeks, and it is a positive experience to return to the small web. Credit to the Bubbles.town developers and content creators, you have built a new community where people can exchange ideas and have a reason to return. The text-dominant content takes a step back to the traditional form of words, meaning, and slow ideas. This direction is refreshing and increases my desire to participate.

Other sites and internet companies have run out of ideas and are forcing video, especially toxic ‘shorts’ down our throats. The reason the popular sites feel so broken is because of how these companies are run. When you work for a large company, product managers are required to produce specific results to meet their career and compensation objectives. Because of this, the quality of ideas tends to degrade over time. Corporate cultures keep pushing these changes into their services whether or not there is any actual demand for them. This is how we end up with “Dead Internet Theory” and content that is only aimed at the masses.

Bubbles.town steps away from this by placing power in the regular person. While other sites fill their content with autogenerated bots, Bubbles is creating a healthy space for discourse that has been abandoned by the behemoths who only care about impressions and eyeballs. Contributions vary from blog to blog, but it is a return to meaning, knowledge, and perspective. It is refreshing and wonderful to spend time on a website that doesn’t force an algorithm on me and has genuinely interesting and original posts consistently.

Apple and the FBI Dance a Security Tango

Troy Hunt successfully frames the context of Apple vs the FBI court order in his must read post, but ignores an important question. What is on the iPhone that is so important to the FBI that they would go to this length to get it? This is the first time that a court has ordered a technology company to develop new software requiring Apple to backdoor their own iOS system.

In October 2015 Obama agreed to stop pressing for legislation for encryption backdoors in technology products. Now Bloomberg highlights that this was a tactical change in direction and not a policy change.

“In a secret meeting convened by the White House around Thanksgiving, senior national security officials ordered agencies across the U.S. government to find ways to counter encryption software and gain access to the most heavily protected user data on the most secure consumer devices, including Apple Inc.’s iPhone, the marquee product of one of America’s most valuable companies, according to two people familiar with the decision.

The approach was formalized in a confidential National Security Council “decision memo,” tasking government agencies with developing encryption workarounds, estimating additional budgets and identifying laws that may need to be changed to counter what FBI Director James Comey calls the “going dark” problem: investigators being unable to access the contents of encrypted data stored on mobile devices or traveling across the Internet. Details of the memo reveal that, in private, the government was honing a sharper edge to its relationship with Silicon Valley alongside more public signs of rapprochement.”

The New York Times has taken the position this is a classic single case of a terrorist investigation, but fails to discuss the potential value of a dead man’s work phone as well. The NYT discusses Apple’s business value and the Justice Departments criticism, but completely ignores the value of a non-personal phone in a terrorist investigation. Since Farook destroyed his personal phone, it reasons there is nothing on his work phone, otherwise it would have been destroyed as well. Snowden points out that the FBI already likely has any information which could be reasonably extracted from this phone. logical argument that the FBI already has what they need

The FBI knows that Apple cannot get into the iOS 8 iPhone 5c without changing their software. The FBI also knows that Apple cannot physically get into the next generation of iPhone 6s running iOS9 due to improvements in the Secure Enclave. Therefor the window of opportunity to get into iPhones during future investigations is closing. If the FBI does not challenge Apple now, they will lose the ability to get evidence off future phones.

With this understanding, the EFF’s statement is very clear.

“It might seem the FBI wouldn’t go through such a public battle if they had a secret way to get the data, but even if they did it’s likely they wanted to take this case to court because the high-profile nature of the San Bernardino shootings makes this a sympathetic case to create a legal precedent in their favor.”

Apple’s public letter response to this order does not highlight the additional cost and challenges presented by the order but focuses on the dangers to civil liberty should the order set a legal precedent. Rightly or wrongly this is a master stroke from Apple, diverting attention from annoyed user base increasingly upset with software decisions and instead rallying the troops around issues in Civil Liberties.

Apple is hardware company, Google, Facebook, and Microsoft (minus Surface & Xbox) are not. This is why Apple is publicly starting this conversation in response to this court order. Should they lose this appeal, security conscious consumers will evaluate their options. International nations will also place pressure on Apple to decrypt phones in their home countries. Countries where human rights abuses take place, citizens will be less safe. This is a very important conversation for us to have about the future of Privacy, Censorship and Security in our country. But make no mistake about it, this is a strategic long term decision the FBI is leading.

First Year of Meditation

Around this time last year I decided to make meditation part of my life. I started with five minutes a day for the month of January. There were a bunch of days where I made it more than five minutes, but everyday I did at least five minutes for whole month.

At first I did not know what to do with myself. I was under the impression my thoughts would eventually drift away and the serene inner peace I was hearing about would appear. In some ways it did, but only for very brief fleeting moments after several months of pillow time. For the most part I was left searching for something, over and over again, anything.

After reading many books and articles about what I should actually be doing, I realized that searching was a misleading action in my practice. It was necessary, it really opened my mind to the idea of sitting for longer periods of time, but I eventually outgrew the search. Searching first gave away to waiting. But even more quickly waiting too gave away to something else.

About half a year later, when waiting gave away, I found my mind watching itself. The watching sensation recognized for the very first time the immensity of the thinker. I will readily admit having identified with the thinker my whole life. I placed value on the thinker, as the part of the brain allowing me to do the things I love like programming and chess. The thinker has always been the part of the brain from where my success has arisen. When the thinker finally gave away to the watcher, it was astonishment at this new place or feeling which replaced it.

This was my first insight. The thinker quieted down for long enough for me to understand the dominate trains of thought from a new perspective. I found a place of existence where those thoughts we no longer there, they were no longer even necessary. The best part of this realization, was not that this is a place meditation allows me to access, but this is a place I can always access.

It is most certainly true in meditation the watcher can be much more focused and yet aware at the same time. But that does not preclude me from watching in the every day moments of life in a more accessible manner. This realization has enabled me to be more like the watcher, in a way not possible without meditation.

This present sense of watching has been one of the highlights in my practice in the past year. It has taught me there is still much to learn about my own mind, and the experience I can have. I suspect I have a couple more iterations of this cycle of searching, waiting and watching on the path to new understandings. I am much more patiently practicing at this point then when I started. I choose to sit at this point as I have learned it is very rewarding in its own right.

Vibrance

A sphere of energy rolls towards a glow on the horizon. Entropy glides frictionlessly adjusting the path as plasma. Once it was I, now no longer.

No Matter

Wind rustling the summer green maple leaves, Rolling ripples from rain drops on the gentle river, Luminescent sunlight warming the desert rocks

Monument

The world crumbles under the weight of the truths you carry. With each step the ground gives away and yet you are still standing.

Maybe it is because they are truths and not falsehoods. These truths have their own pull, strong enough to hold you where there is no support.

Where do you go from here? Lost in space, the voyage is no longer physical. Emotions are free range, pure happiness is present only to be replaced by deep sadness.

The light fluctuates with these feelings, the range is emitting valiantly to absorbing completely. The mind does not take this well and executes a last defense. Where once there were mountains and seas, there is now nothing but the hum of you and these monumental truths.

Developer Slang 101

All of these definitions are taken from Stack Overflow. Take a read through, they’re hilarious. Here is a summary and my favorites.

Gold Plating Adding features that are unimportant (as little as to be useless)

Build Potato When your code check-in breaks the build, you receive a build potato. It stays with you until someone else’s code check-in breaks the build.

Hydra Code Code that cannot be fixed. One fix causes two new bugs. It should be rewritten.

A Duck A feature added for no other reason than to draw management attention and be removed, thus avoiding unnecessary changes in other aspects of the product.

duck hunt

Smug Report - a bug submitted by a user who thinks he knows a lot more about the system’s design than he really does. Filled with irrelevant technical details and one or more suggestions (always wrong) about what he thinks is causing the problem and how we should fix it.

The Affair If you invoke a private method in C++ from a class with friend status.

Mortgage Code Code purposely so terrible that only you can maintain it, forcing your employer to keep you; thus providing job security ( so you can pay your mortgage).

The Counterbug A bug you present when presented with a bug caused by the person presenting the bug

Workaroundability The feeling when already hacked approach still can or can’t be hacked further.

Perl-grade obfuscation The highest level of obfuscation possible. Better than passing code through a 1-way hash function. “No one will reverse engineer our code - it’s written in Perl.”

Smurf Naming Convention When almost every class has the same prefix.

“SmurfAccountView passes a SmurfAccountDTO to the SmurfAccountController. The SmurfID is used to fetch a SmurfOrderHistory which is passed to the SmurfHistoryMatch before forwarding to either SmurfHistoryReviewView or SmurfHistoryReportingView.”

ColdFusion An out of date esoteric technology or language

Ninja Comments: // /*** */

Egyptian Brackets:

if (a == b) {
    printf("hello");
}
egyptian brackets

The Heisenbug A computer bug that disappears or alters its characteristics when an attempt is made to study it.

IRQed annoyed by interruptions, The distinction between “IRQed” and “irked” is subtle and only obvious in written form or by context.

Stringly Typed A riff on strongly typed. Used to describe an implementation that needlessly relies on strings when programmer & refactor friendly options are available.

Automanually The term is used to refer to a batch job or application that should be scheduled or triggered automatically, but due to unspecified reasons (typically, bugs), requires manual intervention every time.

Flux Capacitate When a piece of jargon is used to confuse someone who really has no business asking a particular question.

The Higgs-Bugson A hypothetical bug predicted to exist based on a small number of possibly related event log entries and vague anecdotal reports from users. It is difficult (if not impossible) to reproduce on a dev machine because you don’t really know if it’s there, and if it is there what is causing it.

Databasically “Hey, I’ll put all of our customers into a Word document and then we can X.” “No, we should do that database-ically so that we can keep that list up to date.”

The Mad Girlfriend Bug For when you see something strange happening, but it will just tell you everything is fine.

Natural Selection The act of replacing someone else’s code with your own.

The God Object An object that knows too much or does too much. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_object

The Megamoth or Mega Monolithic Method Often contained inside a God Object and usually stretches over two screens in height.

death star

Common Law Feature A bug in the application that has existed so long that it is now part of the expected functionality, and user support is required to actually fix it.

The Impediphile - Someone who codes in such a manner as to constantly cause impediments to others work.

“You’re not holding the mouse right” When someone shows me a problem they are having and I don’t have an answer for them, Just say

Floater The case in the bug tracking system that seems to always be sitting near the top of the queue but never gets claimed. It just floats there while developers work around it.

Yoda Conditions using if(constant == variable) instead of if(variable == constant), like if(4 == foo). Because it’s like saying “if blue is the sky” or “if tall is the man”.

yoda conditional

Organic Algorithym

How can anyone look at this image and deny the internet is a sentient being? This pattern beautifully parallels the brain structure’s self referential chaos of loops, pointers and recursion. Every person plays their organic part in assembling the structure by linking, writing, reading and re-linking. We travel daily to our favorite nodes searching for nuggets to tickle our fancies and share with others. We continuously add informational nodes, yet the structure itself never changes shape, because of it’s self referential integrity. The internet is just humanity’s recursive electro-mechanical brain, and we are just nodes in the sphere of the organic algorithm.

Are You a Windows User?

I switched from windows to Linux in 2004 when I was sick of windows dying once a month. I became so good at reformatting I could remember my windows key off the top of my head. That key is long gone because I haven’t used windows in years on my home machine.

I spent time with SUSE Linux, Gentoo (which I still believe is the fastest OS available) and Ubuntu. Gentoo, although I loved the speed, died on me every two or three months. An improvement from windows, but eventually after I graduated college, I didn’t have time to maintain the sandbox anymore. So I switched to Ubuntu.

I kept Ubuntu on there for a while but realized I’d never use it again. After some hacking and crafting I managed to get my partitions converted over to HFS+. I switched to mac in January when I built my newest machine. Quad core, I’m never going back.

That said, I do believe an open source operating system will eventually over take a flagship mac operating system in features, ease of use, and eye candy. Until then I will remain on OSX.